It only took you 3' to perfectly explain the concept of "chaos theory"! Now, I have to unlearn everything and start all over again. :) Boy you're good! What a nightmare of a meeting. From my past experience, the most annoying part was the realization that participants left the endless, pointless meetings, with a different perspective of what the actual key points were, thus missing deadlines and all. Smillew, this was so much fun and one of the best reads ever! ❤️
Okay, true confession - once, long, long ago and far away, I had to attend a meeting a subordinate was having. All of his tech support people were there and it was painfully long, dull, and he was berating his people for no good reason. It appeared he was trying to impress me. It didn't.
Qualifier - I was really sick and taking mind-altering drugs. Like, near death, why-the-hell-am-I-here and chemotherapy drug sick. I figured I'd go home afterward and die, so... after 75 minutes into a one-hour meeting where I remained quiet and just shot him a couple of "back off and move along" looks, I told a joke.
"What's the difference between the people in Accounting and Tech Support Managers?"
Blank look was definitely an invitation.
"The guys in Accounting have decent personalities."
Yes, I'm a shit. And his people laughed, because I was higher on the sacrificial slaughter chain.
And yes, I had to pay the manager cash to get favors after that, but his people were really helpful!
To be fair, this was like... a million years ago. "Quiet quitting' wasn't a thing yet, and I hadn't noticed that I hated the job that made me sick. I'd also failed to register my habit of laying down small explosions in advance of dynamiting the bridges I never wanted to cross again. Therapy is good, boys and girls!
(And, it's nice to see he's not running a company today.)
You forgot about the people who have meetings to give you updates on absolute nonsense projects that don't pan out and have goals but never give stats to cross reference or make employees aware of a bonus scale. Make sure these meetings are long and weekly and project updates shared about upcoming clients never pans out. Even better let everyone haze the newest member of the team. Better yet make the newest member of the team quit and start a pool surely they'll just do everyone a favor and kill themselves in time to hire and train a new hire, definitely do not help people as it's beneath you, if you do help someone make sure you gossip about the bosses you will use to make the newest team members life a living hell bc hey, they throw ya a fresh one to train and don't pat you enough to kiss everyone's ass, just theirs so be their patsy and do and say fucked up shit to the employee as well. Fuck it right a new one is needed every so often for that tax credit, make sure they're desperate for work so you can pay them less than the going rate, make it spicy by offering no lunch break and yell at them if they have a question.
I have plenty more observations of toxic work places, this is the tip of the ice berg. Here's one, ensure you gaslight your target at all times, stalk them on social media, yes the target may know you're doing it and feed you misinformation to make it funny to them so boss looking stupid or allowing target to quietly think it's hilarious but it still annoys them and will ultimately affect the bottom line more than the DEI hire who uses their gayness as blackmail to the office but fuck it who is really here to make money anyways, we milk clients here and pick on struggling workers bc its a team building activity for the rest of the office.
Please share your tips in the comments. I'm always looking for ways to improve my craft.
It only took you 3' to perfectly explain the concept of "chaos theory"! Now, I have to unlearn everything and start all over again. :) Boy you're good! What a nightmare of a meeting. From my past experience, the most annoying part was the realization that participants left the endless, pointless meetings, with a different perspective of what the actual key points were, thus missing deadlines and all. Smillew, this was so much fun and one of the best reads ever! ❤️
I love it when people ask me to do the minutes because I send different versions and action points to different participants 😆
Always up to mischief! I love that. What an "alive" personality you have!! ha!❤️
You've been in my meetings!
Okay, true confession - once, long, long ago and far away, I had to attend a meeting a subordinate was having. All of his tech support people were there and it was painfully long, dull, and he was berating his people for no good reason. It appeared he was trying to impress me. It didn't.
Qualifier - I was really sick and taking mind-altering drugs. Like, near death, why-the-hell-am-I-here and chemotherapy drug sick. I figured I'd go home afterward and die, so... after 75 minutes into a one-hour meeting where I remained quiet and just shot him a couple of "back off and move along" looks, I told a joke.
"What's the difference between the people in Accounting and Tech Support Managers?"
Blank look was definitely an invitation.
"The guys in Accounting have decent personalities."
Yes, I'm a shit. And his people laughed, because I was higher on the sacrificial slaughter chain.
And yes, I had to pay the manager cash to get favors after that, but his people were really helpful!
I left soon after. Poverty is preferable.
Hahaha you’re terrible!!
🫨🤭
To be fair, this was like... a million years ago. "Quiet quitting' wasn't a thing yet, and I hadn't noticed that I hated the job that made me sick. I'd also failed to register my habit of laying down small explosions in advance of dynamiting the bridges I never wanted to cross again. Therapy is good, boys and girls!
(And, it's nice to see he's not running a company today.)
You forgot about the people who have meetings to give you updates on absolute nonsense projects that don't pan out and have goals but never give stats to cross reference or make employees aware of a bonus scale. Make sure these meetings are long and weekly and project updates shared about upcoming clients never pans out. Even better let everyone haze the newest member of the team. Better yet make the newest member of the team quit and start a pool surely they'll just do everyone a favor and kill themselves in time to hire and train a new hire, definitely do not help people as it's beneath you, if you do help someone make sure you gossip about the bosses you will use to make the newest team members life a living hell bc hey, they throw ya a fresh one to train and don't pat you enough to kiss everyone's ass, just theirs so be their patsy and do and say fucked up shit to the employee as well. Fuck it right a new one is needed every so often for that tax credit, make sure they're desperate for work so you can pay them less than the going rate, make it spicy by offering no lunch break and yell at them if they have a question.
I see I still have a lot to learn!! 😱
I have plenty more observations of toxic work places, this is the tip of the ice berg. Here's one, ensure you gaslight your target at all times, stalk them on social media, yes the target may know you're doing it and feed you misinformation to make it funny to them so boss looking stupid or allowing target to quietly think it's hilarious but it still annoys them and will ultimately affect the bottom line more than the DEI hire who uses their gayness as blackmail to the office but fuck it who is really here to make money anyways, we milk clients here and pick on struggling workers bc its a team building activity for the rest of the office.
#1. Inviting unrelated people to the meeting by typing wrong email ids then insisting I was right.
#2. Solution Roulette: Demanding brainstorming, then swatting every option by listing its demerits.
#3. Snack break with inedible items - Gluten free oatmeal cookies with almond milk.
Love these. #3 is brilliant!!
I always found it useful to provide copies of slides at the start, that correspond in no way with the slides on screen.
More sneaky version would be to have different numbers like 23% increase on paper and 17% decrease on screen 😆
Hahaha love it!!!